The Stripping Away

#31Days Day 2-  praying for my enemy... abundant life

Kicking and screaming...

That's the best way to describe my attitude toward this endeavor.  I woke up this morning with a dread... so sorry I had committed to doing this.  Every time i began to attempt a prayer, the pain began to well up inside me and bubble over into anger.

I couldn't even wrap my mind around WHAT I should pray... my mouth wouldn't form a single word.

As I stood in the shower, let the warm water run down, I began to recount the losses, the lies, the grief, and one phrase repeated itself again and again in my mind -

over the last 10 months there has been a slow 

stripping away of everything 

we have known

all that is familiar, comfortable, safe, has been stripped

leaving only the arms of Jesus and the Truth of His Words 

as a source of comfort, protection, healing.

There truly is only Him

As I have said, forgiveness has always come easily for me.  

But never before have I had to face forgiveness while looking 

in the eyes of my sweet girl - seeing the stripping away she is feeling, experiencing, grieving every day.  

Eight years old is too young to be stripped so deep.

So, what to pray...

What is the opposite of our experience right now?

Abundant Life.

I know He is asking me to pray over our enemy words of abundant life.

I would like to be able to tell you that I have been able to offer up this life-giving request- that I have submitted to the authority and urging of the Spirit and fallen on my knees in prayer for those that have hurt us.  But that would be a lie. 

I know my relationship with the Lord and my witness of His Son, requires me to forgive.  Who am I to hold anything against another.

Dear friends, I covet your prayers, your encouragement, your words of wisdom.

Father, I know the stripping is necessary.  I know this work will not return void.  Please help this stubborn girl surrender to Your truth, and lean into forgiveness.

31 Days...Praying For My Enemy

Surrendering Unforgiveness

#31days

So, I'm a few days late in joining this 31 day challenge.  I just couldn't decide what I would write about.
Many of you are writing so many uplifting, or helpful posts.  I tossed around a few ideas and even thought I'll do it next year and then...

I began to hear a faint whisper

that has turned into a nagging roar.

I tried to ignore it, push it away, justify 'not now', but He just wouldn't leave me alone.

I have a root of bitterness in my heart... and I need to be set free.


I have never been a person to struggle with unforgiveness.  I'm not easily offended, nor do I hold onto things.  That is, until 10 months ago.  My family came under the most intense attack I could ever imagine.  Not your every day kind of persecution.  But a relentless, calculated, deliberate destruction of our entire family, including my three young girls.

The most damaging part of all of this - our persecutors are fellow Christians, and church leadership, people that we trusted, admired, and felt safe around.

Because my children come from hard places to begin with, the effects of these past months has been incredibly traumatizing for them.  It has triggered many of their deepest wounds, their hidden fears - has truly shaken them to their very core.  We are knee-deep in fall-out every day.

So this is my struggle.  How to forgive... when my children, our family is still so terribly wounded.

If any one reads this, I covet your prayers.  That through this 31 days, God will show me the path to forgiveness.  I know I will wrestle every day - And I will share my ugly, sin-filled soul with you as I seek to pray for those that have so injured us.  I pray that in some way this can be an encouragement. A knowing... that if you struggle with unforgiveness- you are not alone.

So with much trepidation, and dragging of feet-

I begin my journey.

"But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? "  Matthew 5:44-46

Day 2: (which is really day 4) Stripping Away.... Abundant Life

Primal Wound

My girls are wounded        

My.Girls.Are.Wounded...
broken-open
the mad, really sad ~
all spilling out
and down
and all over our lives.

Little souls wrenched
small hearts wrung out
by fear ~
eyes wide, round, seeing shadows
mouths screaming loud,
or shut tight
emotions jumbled
bumbled,
numb.

Their pain creeps and seeps
and draws out our own
and we're all left covered
in tears,
in bruises purpling,
on legs
arms
spirits
hearts
souls.

My girls are wounded.

My.Girls.Are.Wounded...
broken-open
the mad really sad~
all.spilling.out.

Neither the height, or breadth, or depth
of my love
can soak
up
their
sorrow.

Sweet Healer come.
bind-up our wounds ~
before we all bleed dry.

Not the Beginning, Not the End, but Waist Deep in the Middle

We have been on this adoption journey for 9 years now.  We dove head first into open adoption with passion and excitement, willing to embrace everything the Lord would bring us.  We have been incredibly blessed not only with our children, but with the wonderful, loving, open relationships we have found with each of their families.


Open adoption while not without it's challenges, has been an easy adjustment for us and seems to have been what we were born to do.  What we are struggling with though, is the depth of wounding our children have suffered.  I knew they would have hurt and loss to work through, but I never imagined the extent to which it would impact their lives.  We did after all adopt them from birth - so in my mind I thought this would limit the severity of their trauma.

I.Was.Wrong.

I wanted to create this blog to have a safe, anonymous place to share our story - that maybe it would help other parents on a similar journey with kids from hard places know...  they are not alone.

I pray that we all might find healing from whatever our woundings might be... that we could all be liberated,

and fly free.